Teenage years are a difficult time for both adolescents and their parents. One common cause of disagreement is the friendships and relationships that your child makes.
While in the past you might have been able to control who they hung out with, once children become teenagers, they gain the opportunity and the confidence to form their own friendships – and these are not always ones that parents approve of. Perhaps you’re worried that your teen’s friends are leading them astray, or maybe you’re not happy with their behaviour when with certain friends.
Fears not baseless
Your fears regarding the company your teen keeps are not unfounded. Says a 2013 study published in the ‘Journal of Adolescent Health’, friends’ cigarette use behaviour may have a stronger influence on youth who start smoking at a younger age and that friends’ influence is generally higher in high school. The study noted that boys tend to foster friendship by engaging in shared behaviours, whereas girls are more focused on emotional sharing. So, it is possible that boys are adopting their friends’ risky behaviours, like smoking, as the groups grow together over time. Another study, in 2014, from the Indian University, adolescents’ alcohol use is influenced by their close friends’ use, regardless of how much alcohol they think their general peers consume. The study observed that working to encourage teens to make friendships with non-alcohol-using friends could be one of the more effective things parents can do to help.
What to do
Watching your child become close to people you disapprove of isn’t easy but it’s important to tread carefully to avoid arguments with your child. Teenagers also love to rebel against their parents often so the best course of action is to say nothing at all. If your child picks up on the fact that you dislike their friend it can often backfire and drive them closer. As they grow older children confide in their parents less, but showing them that you understand and are open to listening will encourage them to talk to you more. Show an interest in their new friend and your child is more likely to confide in you.
Remember that teenage friendships can be abandoned overnight so often it pays to be patient. You may find that in a couple of months, the new friend is off the scene and by keeping quiet you’ve managed to maintain a good relationship with your own child.
The only time to intervene is if you suspect a friendship is causing harm to your child. If you think they are being bullied or are being led into dangerous behaviours involving crime or addictions, then you will need to sit down and have a chat with your child. But rather than using this as an opportunity to attack their friends, take the chance to talk about general behaviour and staying safe.
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