Are you too exhausted for sex? Fertility expert Zita West has helped hundreds of couples conceive and asks two common questions: ‘How much sex are you having?’ and ‘Are there any difficulties around sex?’ The answer to number one is typically NOT ENOUGH!
While the answer to the second is often, we’re too tired, too busy, there’s not enough time or my libido is too low. If these apply to you, how do you get your sex drive back? According to Zita, many factors, both physiological and psychological, affect libido. These include hormonal problems, lifestyle, mind set (including assumptions and expectations) and mental fatigue. Trying for a baby, in particular, can put huge pressure on your sexual relationship.
The seven most common passion killers she sees are:
1. Stress and pressure around sex, especially for men, particularly if the woman demands he performs around ovulation, and if they’ve been trying to conceive for a while. This stress around sex can sabotage future attempts. Couples need to take the pressure off one another. Don't discuss every detail of your fertility - sex should be a time for emotional bonding, not a time for focused baby-making.
2. Relationship problems and issues may include undercurrents such as simmering arguments, resentments and pressures around the fertile time, especially if the female partner doesn’t want sex outside of this narrow window. Communication and getting the intimacy back is key to improving your sex life: being kind to one another helps!
3. Alcohol - while a little is great for relaxation, too much alcohol reduces libido and depletes you of essential nutrients needed for hormone balance.
4. Low testosterone levels can reduce desire in both men and women. Foods rich in zinc, magnesium and B vitamins can help with testosterone balance.
5. Poor diet: Blood sugar imbalance, processed foods, and weight issues may all contribute to low libido, exhaustion and hormonal imbalance.
6. Lack of exercise: Exercise gets the blood flow going to the pelvic area and releases endorphins which make you feel good and give you energy.
7. Tiredness and exhaustion generally come from working too hard, having too many commitments and a negative mind set. Look at where the route cause is: relationship, poor diet or lifestyle, lack of sleep or exercise, and stress. Your doctor can check for underlying medical factors such as anaemia, thyroid function and hormone balance.
The good news is you have control over all of these passion killers, says Zita. Make some changes! Simply being aware of the subconscious pressures is the best place to start. Remember men and women have different brain chemistry. A man needs to know he is appreciated and loved for who he is, but for a women kindness warmth and love pay huge dividends, it’s not always about the big romantic gesture. Try emptying the dishwasher, a cup of tea in bed, doing the shopping or cooking the odd meal.
The Zita West Clinic offers relationship counselling, de-stressing techniques, hypnotherapy, acupuncture and nutrition to help couples find intimacy again.
www.zitawest.com